Valentine’s day can represent quite the conundrum for us bachelors. To our housebroken counterparts, it’s just another day they have to spend a fortune on overpriced flowers. The swingin’ dicks, however, are presented with a much more challenging endeavor: We have to figure out how to strategically cram visits with all our slam pieces into one 24-hour period.
While the less fortunate have to spend the evening holding hands through a “The Notebook” quote-along, we’re bouncing between East Side efficiencies like we’re chasing somebody who just stole our fixed gear.
Scheduling is an integral part of the equation that we’ll tackle at another time. Today’s issue is: stamina.
How do us bearded hipster bartenders manage to wrangle all those city witch babes we’re casually seeing into ONE DAY? It ain’t no stroll around Mueller pond, I’ll tell you that.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never had a problem with my soldier going AWOL, but fatigue is a harsh reality for any of us tomcats trying to hunt the Chukaberra several times a day. Since I’m obviously the Jose Canseco of the hipster singles scene, I’m not above the use of performance-enhancing substances to help me go the extra mile. That’s where I discovered the key to kingdom: Code Red 7.
Code Red 7 is a natural male enhancement pill brought to you by the same club who gave you not one, but TWO separate Mushroomhead shows. Crafted by the same minds who think that booking the occasional rap metal show is “no big deal”. and packed with all the power of shitty garage rock and hackneyed moshXcore, Code Red 7 will not only get your little fella up, it’ll KEEP him up.
Whether you’re tapping some crabcore hottie you saw at Freebird’s, the perpetually-drunk trust fund chick you met at Mohawk, or the Liz Lemon-looking babe you ran into at the Cat Power show: you’ll be able to take care of the whole lot of ‘em with Code Red 7 at your side.